The Two Grudgesby Summer Chapin "You know, Lindsey, about that new girl in town, Linda Goshen?" I questioned my friend unsuspectingly.
“Yes?”
“Well, don’t you think that maybe we ought to invite her to church this Sunday?”
Much to my surprise and chagrin, Lindsey turned her head resolutely away. “If you do, and she comes, you can be sure that
you won’t be seeing my face anywhere around her!”
“Why, Lindsey!” I gently touched her arm. “You, a Christian... Why are you saying such a thing?”
Lindsey turned and looked me squarely in the face with fierce, piercing, blue eyes. “That girl’s father is the man who
killed my uncle only five months ago! Surely you know?”
“Oh, I’m sorry.... No, I guess I didn’t know that it was her father.”
The fierceness left my friend’s eyes and suddenly I noticed a wet sparkle on her cheek.
“I hope you understand why I just can’t make myself be friends with that girl. I just don’t see how it would work.”
Blankly, I stared out in the direction of the fading sun which was slowly casting it’s final rays over the hazy mountains near my home in Davis, Oklahoma. “I think it would work, Lindsey. It would
give you an even greater chance -”
“You just don’t understand, Carrie...” My friend’s voice trailed off.
“I think I do, Lindsey.” I sought to make contact with Lindsey’s eyes, but she deliberately avoided mine. “I don’t think
that you have ever forgiven that man who accidentally killed your uncle. Am I right?” When Lindsey didn’t answer, I went on, thus encouraged. “Don’t you think you ought to try to forgive, as the Bible says -”
“Don’t worry, I know what the Bible says, Carrie, it’s just that, well, what if someone killed an uncle that you were close to? See, you just can’t understand what it’s like! Besides, it wasn’t just an accident... That man was driving drunk when he killed my uncle!
I became silent as I realized how futile it would be to try and argue with my friend about her need to forgive, as it was
true that I had never been placed in such a situation as she was now in.
Another moment, and the sun had completely disappeared from view, leaving only a faint pink glow to adorn the dark blue sky. Lindsey stood up. “I really must go now, Carrie. My parents expect me home at 6:15
for supper and it’s already 6:10, so I can see I’m going to have to whiz!” Smiling faintly, she gave me a quick hug, buttoned her sweater, and hopped onto her 3-speed. “See you tomorrow, Carrie... at my house!”
I just stood there beneath the fading sunset, watching her go...and thinking. Finally, the brisk air, which was cooling
faster by the minute, drove me with a sigh into the warmth and luxury of my own home. I headed directly for the kitchen, knowing that Mother probably needed help with the dinner... Sure enough, Mother was just setting the table when I entered, but she lightly brushed me aside when I asked if there was anything she wished for me to do. “Nothing here, Carrie, but I would appreciate it if you would find Lily for me. I think she went upstairs to my bedroom as I said that she could borrow a book from my bookcase.”
My heart nearly leaped into my throat at the thought of my inquisitive, almost three year old sister being permitted
to go upstairs without a supervisor. “Oh Mom!” I yelped in distress, turning and running for the stairway as fast as I possibly could.
“What’s the matter, Carrie?” I heard my mother’s voice from behind, but suddenly the sound of ripping paper reached my ears and I knew I couldn’t hesitate to tell her. Sprinting up the steps and reaching my bedroom, I flung the door open and just stared in dismay; and anger....at the spectacle!
Papers were strung everywhere; on the bed, on the floor, on the desk. I mean everywhere! Not a few of them were completely
ripped up; disintegrated, demolished, destroyed! And right in the middle of all this destruction, sat my innocent, little sister, her wide, blue eyes staring up at me.
“I’m helping you clean out your drawers.” Lily whispered timidly, as she sensed that something was terribly wrong by the
look on my face. “You’re doing what?” I forced the words through gritted teeth, for the anger was now boiling hot within me, “Lily, who gave you permission to come into my bedroom?”
With eyes downcast, Lily shrunk away from me as I approached. Hastily, she dropped the torn paper in her hands, and
tried to escape; but I grabbed and held her tight. It was then that I realized
what the paper was; my heart froze...It was the drawing that I had been working on for three months as a gift for Lindsey’s birthday, and I had only finished it four days ago. The birthday was tomorrow, and...and.. now horrors!!!
“Just look what you’ve done, Lily!” I pointed angrily at the ruined drawing. “How could you! Why did you do this?”
“I...I don’t know.” My little sister stammered in fright. But I hardly noticed her trembling, for I was boiling angry.
Indeed, although I really did love my sister deep down inside, at the moment I was so furious that I felt I could shake her!
At that moment, my mother entered the room and silently stooped down to pick up the torn picture. “I’m really sorry about
this, Carrie.”
“Sorry?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m terribly sorry that I didn’t go and get the book for Lily myself. It didn’t even enter my mind that Lily would
have an interest in going through your things as she seemed to be so wrapped up in "reading" her books to me. I figured that she would get the book and come right down.”
“But she didn’t.” I remarked sullenly.
“Carrie, Lily will be punished, but will you forgive her...and me?”
“I guess so.” I quickly turned my back and began to pick up the scattered papers so as to hide the unforgiving look on my
face.
After Mother and Lily left my bedroom, I settled down on my bed to stare at the ruined birthday gift. Now what would I give to Lindsey at the party tomorrow? Nothing? I knew that I definitely wouldn’t
have the time to draw another picture, and my funds were too low to be thinking of buying even a cheap gift. I sulked in despair, and bitterness seemed to settle in like a lead weight. It was just too hard to forgive!
That night, as I fell asleep in bed, I thought of the Bible verse, “Be angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon
your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.” (Eph. 4:26-27) , but for some reason, I just couldn’t shake my bad feelings no matter how hard I tried, and sadly, I didn’t even think to ask Jesus to help me.
The next morning I woke up in the same grumpy mood, only a little worse. When Lily walked into my room to tell me that
it was time to wake up, (bless her sweet heart), I was sorely peeved and told her, none too kindly, that I didn’t care to have her step into my bedroom as I was afraid that she would tear the room down on top of me. The hurt look on her face smote me to the heart and I longed to pick her up and hug her. But, as she made a quick escape, I didn’t get the chance to do so....and so the evil spirit still lurked behind me.
At the breakfast table I made myself as cheerful as possible and talked eagerly of the hour that I was to leave to Lindsey’s party. However, I didn’t mention the ruined gift, and I was greatly relieved
when Mother didn’t either.
When the cherished hour finally arrived, Mother went with me to the door and whispered softly in my ear, “I hope you’re
not too upset about not having a present for Lindsey, but Carrie, I’m sure she won’t be hurt if you just tell her what happened. Don’t be hard on Lily, though. She’s only little, and still learning, you know.”
“How well I know!” I grimaced. “I’ll try not to be too hard on her.” With that, I hopped onto my bicycle and waved good-bye to Lily, who had just appeared in the doorway, a huge smile on her face as though she didn’t even remember my impatience with her that morning.
Arriving at Lindsey’s house, I happily discovered that I was the first girl there, and cheerfully hugged Lindsey when she met me at the door. “Happy birthday, Lindsey!” I greeted her with a smile.
“Thank you, Carrie.” She grinned, but then looked at me searchingly. “Now where’s this little gift that you’ve been working
on for so long. I can’t wait to see what in the world it is... You’ve had me curious for so long!” Lindsey chuckled heartily as she took my hand and led me into the dining room where the table was nicely set with “grown-up taste.”
“I..I..” My tongue stammered, then stopped, the color suddenly leaping to my face. “Lindsey, I have to tell you that I
don’t have the present to give you. It’s ruined for good.”
“What do you mean? What happened?” A surprised, puzzled look crossed Lindsey’s face, and her eyes opened wide as she eagerly
listened to my explanation.
“Well, you see, this “present” that I was working on was a drawing of a large St. Bernard.” Lindsey’s eyes suddenly lit up, for her favorite pet was Kindra, an overwhelming monster of a dog...
“It was a drawing of Kindra?” She asked.
“Yes, it was of Kindra. I was hoping to bring it to you today, but yesterday night, right after you left my house, I
discovered that Lily had been up in my bedroom playing in my drawers. She ripped up your picture along with several other important papers. I’ll tell you, it was very upsetting!” My voice grew hard as I overemphasized the word “very,” but as I looked up at Lindsey, I was surprised to see that she was not upset at the news, but rather quite cheerful.
“It’s okay... You tried.” Lindsey smiled softly. “Poor Lily must’ve had a hard time after doing such a thing. I’m sure she
was punished, wasn’t she?”
“Yes.” I admitted soberly, but it’s just so hard to forgive her! A girl of her age should know better, don’t you think?”
“Certainly.” Lindsey smiled, “but I don’t think that I could stay angry with her for long. She’s such a sweet little girl!”
Suddenly, I felt my hot anger starting to melt away with Lindsey’s words. It was true that in spite of her faults, Lily
was sweet, far sweeter than myself sometimes...
“And I guess we should be willing to forgive her, shouldn’t we?” Lindsey spoke lightly as she rearranged a lopsided
fork on the table. “I’m sure Jesus wou-” Lindsey suddenly broke off and turned beet red. Instantly I understood why. Wasn’t it just the night before that I had encouraged her to forgive the man who had killed her uncle? And hadn’t she refused, saying that it was just too hard? But now I felt embarrassed as well, as I realized my hypocrisy in encouraging Lindsey to forgive, and then turning right around and refusing to forgive my own little sister for such a tiny offense. Thus it wasn’t easy to bring myself to look at Lindsey when she turned to me and spoke.
“Carrie,” she blushed and then chuckled, “I..I guess I really do need to forgive that man who killed my uncle, don’t I?”
I looked at her face and sensed a deep struggle within, as frowns then came and went like passing clouds. “It’s just so hard, though. He did such a terrible thing!” She sighed deeply.
A few moments passed, but I couldn’t bring myself to say a word in response as I was still thinking about my little sister and my unwillingness to forgive her. Suddenly though, I thought of Jesus and his willingness to forgive me for my own awful sins. What right then did I have to be so upset at my own little sister? ...and before I knew it, I discovered that all of my pent up anger had disappeared. I loved my sister! I really did, and the picture didn’t matter anymore.... I sighed in relief as the peace came flooding in.
“Jesus forgave us. He forgave me for killing too.” I found myself commenting abstractly to Lindsey.
“What! You haven’t killed anybody!” Lindsey looked at me in shocked surprise.
“But I have..in a sense!” I insisted soberly. “Doesn’t the Bible imply that if you are only angry with your brother you are as wicked as a murderer?”
“Well, yes.” Lindsey nodded slowly, a disturbed expression spreading over her face.
“Therefore.” I continued, “to be bitter towards someone.. Well, I guess it’s the same thing as murdering him in your heart, even if you don’t commit the actual deed. So yes, I guess I have committed
murder in a way.”
Lindsey looked at me with a thoughtful, sober expression. “Boy, that word ‘murder’, sure is a strong word to describe
a hateful and unforgiving spirit! I guess that means that in my heart I’ve actually killed my uncle’s killer.” Lindsey shook her head in amazement. “I guess I’ve just never thought of it that way...” Lindsey sank into one of the chairs and motioned for me to do the same, which I then gratefully did. “I guess I need to ask God to help me to forgive him....and to.... forgive me for being angry in my heart towards him.
“Yes,” I agreed. “And I need to ask God to help me to forgive my little sister, and also to forgive me for getting upset
and being so unforgiving. But, actually, I think He’s just now helped me to forgive her!” I smiled, then continued. “I think that when we finally see our wicked selves in the light of our perfect God, it’s much easier to forgive others for the wrong things they do to us. I guess I just failed last night to think of all the times when I’ve sinned and God freely forgave me when I asked Him too.”
Lindsey sat motionless and I could see the struggle in her eyes. “I’ll be back in a moment.” she suddenly said, and jumped
up.
......Ten minutes later, Lindsey finally walked back into the room, her eyes all aglow with peace. She smiled at me, then
stopped suddenly as though a brilliant idea had struck her. “You know what?” she paused.
“What?” I asked. But Lindsey didn’t stop to answer, and was out of the room in a flash. In a moment she returned with a digital phone in one hand, and was rapidly punching buttons with the other.
“What.. Why?” I stared in surprise, but Lindsey only smiled and lifted the receiver to her lips.
“Hello! May I speak to Linda?...Yes....Yes..” I heard her say, then, “This is Lindsey McCarthy. Do you remember me? I believe we saw each other briefly at the courthouse several months ago....
Yes, well, today is my 14th birthday and I’ve decided to invite you over to my party which should begin any minute now. Would you care to come?.... only two miles away.... Okay, well maybe we can meet again some other time. God bless you. Bye!”
Lindsey plunked the phone down, and then turned to me, a big smile lighting her face. “I feel so much better now that I’ve forgiven Linda’s father for killing my uncle. Holding back my bitterness was really making me miserable. You just don’t know how miserable!...”
“Well, I can easily imagine how it felt, having recently experienced some such feelings myself!” I smiled. “But anyway, what did Linda say?”
“Oh she gave a weak excuse for not accepting my invitation. Actually, she seemed rather shocked when I invited her.
Poor girl; she sounded so confused.. I doubt whether she gets many birthday party invitations, and she’s probably never gotten an invitation from one of her father’s victim’s relations before!” Lindsey smiled. “But that’s okay. I think I’ll make it a definite priority to visit her and be a witness. Maybe she’ll eventually accept Christ and... oh wouldn’t that be neat! Then she could be a witness to her father and mother and her brother, and her grandparents and her friends and her.....” Lindsey jumped as the doorbell rang. “Uh, be back in a minute!” I smiled as Lindsey flew out of the room.
She was definitely more cheerful than I had seen her in a long time!
- Summer Chapin We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death. Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him. Hearby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. - I John 3:14-16
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their
trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses. - Matt. 6:14-15
-Elanor Francis, Arizona |