The Fountain of Life
By Crystal Rae Nelson
“How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children
of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings. They shall be abundantly
satisfied with the fatness of thy house; and thou shalt make them drink
of the river of thy pleasures; For with thee is the fountain of life: in
thy light shall we see light.” Psalm 36:7-9
My dear sisters in Christ,
Blessings to you in the name of our Lord. He is so good to us! Summer
asked me to write and share with you about my testimony and my life in
Christ. I love to write, and am so grateful for this opportunity to give
more praise and glory to my Lord.
My name is Crystal Rae Nelson. I am a 16 year old homeschool student
in Faribault, MN. I have two wonderful parents and one younger brother,
Gregory. We are a part of a small home fellowship group here in Faribault.
Neither of my parents were raised in a Godly home. My mother’s family
is Catholic, and my dad’s family is Lutheran, but in neither instance was
there any personal relationship with God. My parents were married in 1980,
eleven months after I was born. Daddy was addicted to alcohol and drugs,
and underwent chemical abuse treatment in 1985. I was 5 years old at the
time, and can still remember the night when I found out that my father
used drugs. Of course, I was devastated. I just didn’t know what to say
or do.
After Daddy’s treatment, he felt the need to move away from the Twin
Cities, to distance himself from the friends and activities that had contributed
so much to his drinking habits. Now things took a different twist in our
family. Mother, who had always before seemed so stable to me, was committed
into a mental illness institution. She had been visiting counselors and
psychiatrists for a while, who were simply making everything worse. After
her release, everything seemed more hopeless than before. Our financial
situation was desperate; their marriage was ready to fall apart.
I was seven years old at this point. Public school was beginning to
make it’s mark on me. Academically, I was excelling. But I was already
heavily into rock music, and peer acceptance meant more to me than anything
else. I was reading and seeing things that I know I shouldn’t have been.
I was very rebellious, and a chronic liar. Anything to get me out of trouble
or make me more popular amongst my friends.
We clearly couldn’t go on like this for long. Something had to break,
sooner or later.
Finally, everything did. Our family simply came to the end of itself.
There was nothing more that any of us could do for our-selves or for each
other. Things had come to their very lowest point. We were certainly down
in a very deep (it seemed bottomless) pit. There was simply no where else
to turn.
But God is faithful! My dad’s brother and his family have known the
Lord for many years, and had been praying for us faithfully. When finally
we had reached this point where nothing we could do would make our lives
better, my uncle felt God telling him that now was time to share with us
about Jesus; that now our hearts were open and ready to listen to Him.
He asked to come one Sunday night, to read with us and teach us what God’s
word had to say about life, it’s problems, and God’s solution. He came
without fail, every Sunday night all winter long. By January, Mother had
come to realize the futility of trusting in her own goodness, and her need
to surrender her life to God’s control. Dad came to the same realization
later in the year. Praise be to God - what a complete turn around!
Needless to say, this also brought some definite changes into my own
life. Many things that had been common in our household (lying, swearing,
fighting etc...) were now “displeasing to the Lord”. Many of the books
and music that I had were now considered unacceptable. I myself, not yet
having entered into a personal relationship with God, didn’t understand
what was wrong with my parents! I regret to think of all the times I must
have made their job more difficult. I know that I fought against their
teaching and their standards, especially when it interfered with my friends
and my activities. I am so grateful that my rebellion did not sway them
from continuing in the ways that they knew were right before God.
I don’t want to imply that my parents became completely totalitarian,
nor that any of this took place within a short time; in fact, this process
of reteaching and retraining me has taken a good many years of patience
and persistence. I’ve had so many things to be worked out of me! And I
certainly was not willing or cooperative, at least not at first. It took
a good many corrections and a good many tears before I was finally ready
to accept that God’s will, not mine, was the standard for our household.
I accepted Christ and his will for me early the following spring. Through
reading the scriptures, (Mother saw to it that I read my Bible every morning),
I came to know and understand that my sins had created a chasm of separation
between myself and God, and that Christ was the bridge that God created
in order to restore my relationship with Himself. This was a gift of love,
greater than any other he could ever have given me, because he loves me,
and I am so very thankful! I know that my very existence is dependent upon
him, that everything I am is because of him, and that the riches of my
life would be emptiness, had he not chosen to sacrifice himself for us.
It is the greatest story of love ever told, and Christ is the greatest
lover I could ever hope to have. I am so unworthy to have him as my closest
friend - words just can’t describe all that he is to me.
Speaking for my whole family, I can say with confidence that He has
turned our mourning into dancing and our ashes into joy! Nothing has ever
changed our lives more than the decision to serve the Lord our God.
About the years since I gave myself to the Lord, all I can say is that
they have been one miraculous season of growth. Never for one moment have
I stood still. His word is so rich in spiritual wisdom; there is always
something new to explore, some new truth He has wanted to show to me. Of
course, I’ve experienced times of dryness, but never for long - He is always
faithful to revive his children, even in the wilderness.
Before I close, I want to share with you a few of the truths that God
has given me, that have impacted my life in a truly remarkable way. These
two verses have encompassed every other area of my life. Beginning with
a word from Jeremiah, chapter 29, verse 11.
"‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,
‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future,
an ‘expected end.’"
I don’t know God’s plans for my future. He does! He knows all of his
plans and purposes for my life, seeing eternity, while I see only the present.
I don’t know what things he wants to accomplish within me, but I can trust
in His wisdom, knowing that everything he brings into my experience is
part of his perfect plan for me! Why would I want to push aside the plans
of God, perfect and complete in every way, to embrace my own, which are
imperfect, and born of a sinful and fleshly nature? He knows His plans,
and I know Him. That is enough to satisfy me.
In all of this I know that “The Lord is good”. His goodness is the
very reason for our existence! Every thing we have, everything we are,
is nothing less than a gift from Him, an expression of his excellent lovingkindness.
He has promised us that all things will work together for our ultimate
benefit. Not that we can always see it. The ways of our Lord are higher
than our own ways; his thoughts so much higher than our thoughts (Isaiah
55:9). What is goodness to God may, for a time, seem just the opposite
to us. But we know, beyond doubt, that God is faithful and perfect;
His word must be proven true (2 Samuel 22:31).
If only we would surrender ourselves to His perfect goodness, letting
him teach and train us in the way He knows we need to be taught! How much
more he will accomplish in our lives when we sacrifice every desire to
him!
Always remember the Lord and his goodness. Trust in Him alone, and
in His plans for your life. Strive for him, my sisters, and never be satisfied
until you have beheld his face, and share His likeness (see Psalm 17:15).
-Crystal Rae Nelson - MN