My life has been one of pain, sorrow, and deep cuts.
I was adopted from South Korea when I was 5 months old. I was welcomed
by a lovely couple and two older brothers that loved me as much as they
knew how. Unfortunately, my new mother was married at 19 and was much too
immature for the kind of responsibility it takes to be a wife and mother.
She battled with depression and self esteem continually and was often in
her room.
My father mainly raised us children, with the help of other relatives.
He tried to raise us the best he knew how. We went to church each Sunday,
and we probably were thought of as the typical "Christians".
We grew up going to public schools, watching TV, going to movies, wearing
pants, etc.
I had a very rebellious spirit mostly against my mom. I was a chronic
stealer. I remember my mom always being in her room while my dad was at
work, and a maid was taking care of us. Although my dad worked a lot, I
have many memories of spending time with him. My dad, brothers, and I always
were alone in family activities, never with my mom, unless we were going
to see family members or such. I am very thankful for that time, though,
because after the divorce, I hardly ever saw my dad due to the fact that
he had quickly gotten re-married, and I was not liked by his new wife.
I was about 8 years old, and my mom had told us that she was divorcing
my dad. It was a hard time for us all.
After the re-marriages, my brothers and I had a strong resentment towards
our mother and all that she had done and caused. I went back and forth
between homes and finally ended up with my mom. Well, years kept going
by. My rebellion kept getting stronger and stronger, as well as my other
bad habits.
In the sixth grade, I was a little, proud, mean, selfish, snob! I was
popular and loved to be with my friends. I was hardly at home, but when
I was, I was very difficult. I never listened to a word my mom and step-dad
told me, unless it was to my benefit. At the end of the sixth grade, some
friends and I got into some real deep trouble. My parents then decided
it was best for me to go to my aunt’s house in Mexico to live for a little
while. I ended up staying for about a year. To me, that year was the one
that I felt most loved at that time.
When I came back, all the old habits came back with me. Fortunately,
I had controlled my stealing habit and hadn’t stolen anything for a whole
year.
Coming home, I found out that my mom was divorced again, which was
a relief to me. Since I never listened to my mom, she was unable to control
me and therefore sent me to live with my aunt and uncle near Salem. They
were Christians, didn’t have a TV, and they dressed modestly; all the things
that were totally opposite from me and how I was raised.
Slowly I began to get accustomed to their ways. I was forming new habits
and new interests. I was enjoying other godly girls and families that we
got together with, etc. Even though I was still rebellious, I knew I needed
to obey. The Lord was faithful (and is still faithful!) and was working
on my heart during this time. He brought me to a place where I longed to
be one of His children.
Two weeks before I actually got saved, My aunt asked me what my relationship
with the Lord was like, and if I had a desire to live for Him. Well, that
is exactly what I needed to really get down to business and repent and
get saved. For two weeks, I was constantly praying that the Lord would
forgive me of my sins. During these two weeks, I was extremely rebellious.
As I was diligently seeking salvation, the enemy was working hard to hinder.
Then, it happened. After two long weeks of everyone’s prayers, the Lord
saved me! I believed! Finally, my soul was at peace. I felt like I was
walking on clouds!
The nights that followed were of peace! For hours, after all had gone
to bed, I would lay in bed at night singing all the hymns I knew. Now,
as the months have gone by, the Lord has totally changed my life around!
Instead of wanting to be a rich, single lawyer, I pray that someday the
Lord will allow me to get married, have children, and be a homemaker.
About a week after I got saved, a lot of my thoughts reflected back
to people I had done wrong to. The Lord has slowly showed me people that
I need to make things right with. To this day, I am still trying to make
things right with different ones, as the Lord reveals it to me. The Lord
has changed my rebellious heart to a heart that wants to do right and is
striving to do the will of God, as well as be obedient to my parents.
As I compare back to the first months of being saved, to now, all have
seen a miraculous change! Even in the last month, we have all seen a big
change in my behavior, character, and spirit. Just recently, I have been
praying for better obedience to my elders, more respect, and also more
patience. The Lord has answered me. He gave ear unto me. He answered my
prayers! I thank Him for the miracle He did in my life! Praise God!